By An Extremely Tired Union Rep

06:12 – Awakening

Wake suddenly from a dream in which the Vice Principal has announced a ‘further period of reflective consultation regarding the consultation process.’

Check phone.

Sadly, not a dream.

Three new emails marked:
HIGH IMPORTANCE.

One asks whether attending a rescheduled PAB during ASOS constitutes partial labour reconstruction.

One asks if home baking counts as a picket contribution.

One simply says:
‘Thoughts?’

No context provided.

07:48 – The Management Email Arrives

A 14-page PDF arrives before 8am for a 9am meeting.

The document references:

• ‘operational efficiencies,’
• ‘future sustainability,’
• and ‘strategic realignment.’

Nobody knows what any of this means.

09:00 – Joint Consultative Committee

Union raises detailed concerns regarding:

• workload modelling,
• consultation coherence,
• and role genericisation.

Management respond: ‘We are listening.’

Meeting cancelled 14 minutes later pending further listening.

10:35 – The Professor Speaks

Professor: ‘Now, I don’t want to throw colleagues under a bus…’

Entire room braces for impact.

Professor: ‘…but should more people perhaps be in scope?’

A UCU rep quietly stares out of the window and wonders if this is what burnout feels like.

11:20 – The Acronym Incident

A new member asks:
‘Sorry, what does JCCCCCCCCCCCC mean again?’

Nobody answers because nobody remembers anymore.

The branch president has begun communicating entirely through acronyms and stress.

12:10 – Lunch

There is no lunch.

Only:

• cold coffee,
• a stale caramel wafer,
• and an unread 67-page restructuring document entitled:
  ‘Phase 2 Functional Alignment Proposal FINAL_v8(2).’

13:45 – The Fixed-Term Contract Discussion

UCU: ‘So are management intending to make all fixed-term staff redundant at contract end?’

Management: ‘Yes.’

UCU: ‘That’s illegal.’

Management: ‘I meant no.’

Meeting continues as though this was a perfectly normal exchange between educated adults.

15:30 – The Outreach Pause

Management email staff to say they are postponing a meeting because of concerns raised by unions regarding the complexity of the proposal.

Staff write thoughtful emails explaining the impact prolonged uncertainty is having on staff wellbeing.

The branch president briefly feels hope.

16:50 – The Picket Planning Spreadsheet

Lots of sign-ups for the strike days.

Someone volunteer scones.

Someone is bringing their dug. It may have a jumper.

Morale improves immediately.

18:20 – The Mystery of the Missing Workload Model

Management confirm workload modelling has informed the proposals.

Union asks to see the workload model.

Management say it is still being refined.

By this stage many staff suspect workload modelling may simply be:

• a feeling,
• a rumour,
• or an ancient document buried beneath the Saltire Centre.

20:15 – The Branch President Reflects

The university says: ‘For the Common Good.’

The union says: ‘Can we please see the workload model?’

The PVC says: ‘We are listening.’

The staff say: ‘We are exhausted.’

And yet tomorrow:

• staff and students will still be supported,
• someone will still bring homemade lemon drizzle cake to the picket line,
• and another member who has never spoken before will quietly send an excellent email defending their colleagues.

Which, in the end, is probably why unions continue to exist at all.